How to Succeed in Law School: An Authoritative Guide
1. Use up 9 forests worth of trees printing at least 5 CANS. You need at least five. 1 for reference, 1 for verification, 1 for getting food stains on, and 3 for good luck. Also, learn to add.
2. Live in a suburb so you can get caught in traffic on the way to your exams. The extra travel time and early morning rush hour will help put you in the mood.
3. While rushing to leave your suburban home on the morning of an exam, leave your collection of finely printed, superbly highlighted, expertly tabbed binder of CANS in the hallway. Don't realize you left your CANS at home until you're at school and have only half an hour until your exam begins. This is key. If you discover your mistake too soon, then you'll have time to go back home and fetch aforementioned CANS. That simply won't do. You need to be in a state of utter distress. Going back for your CANS deprives you of the panic necessary for a prime exam writing experience (which includes screaming FUUUUUUUCK in the library at 8:51 in the morning).
4. Go to a law school with a library that has special printers that talk to you. Make sure they only say "Error". Hopefully, they aren't lonely because they also have special computers friends that say "Printer not detected". This is exciting and very exclusive. Only the best technology is able to reject your advances.
5. Go to a law school with a law library that has photocopiers born in 1472. Listen for the "kreeeeeeeeeeeeeeyoooooooo" sound. The whining is essential for determining technological authenticity. Also, make sure the photocopier prints at a speed of 1 page per 4 days. If it copies too fast, then you know it's only faking the magic.
6. Finally, and most importantly, the key to success in law school is theme songs. You don't choose them. They choose you. First year, it was "Everday People" by Arrested Development, and I was pretty down with my marks. In second year, "Golddigger" by Kanye West got me through. That transcript was about as pretty as I was with glasses, braces, and puberty. But the theme song for this year, third year, the last year, definitely takes the cake. Hit it ladieeeez! (And I'm talking to you, Taeghan + Wo).
2. Live in a suburb so you can get caught in traffic on the way to your exams. The extra travel time and early morning rush hour will help put you in the mood.
3. While rushing to leave your suburban home on the morning of an exam, leave your collection of finely printed, superbly highlighted, expertly tabbed binder of CANS in the hallway. Don't realize you left your CANS at home until you're at school and have only half an hour until your exam begins. This is key. If you discover your mistake too soon, then you'll have time to go back home and fetch aforementioned CANS. That simply won't do. You need to be in a state of utter distress. Going back for your CANS deprives you of the panic necessary for a prime exam writing experience (which includes screaming FUUUUUUUCK in the library at 8:51 in the morning).
4. Go to a law school with a library that has special printers that talk to you. Make sure they only say "Error". Hopefully, they aren't lonely because they also have special computers friends that say "Printer not detected". This is exciting and very exclusive. Only the best technology is able to reject your advances.
5. Go to a law school with a law library that has photocopiers born in 1472. Listen for the "kreeeeeeeeeeeeeeyoooooooo" sound. The whining is essential for determining technological authenticity. Also, make sure the photocopier prints at a speed of 1 page per 4 days. If it copies too fast, then you know it's only faking the magic.
6. Finally, and most importantly, the key to success in law school is theme songs. You don't choose them. They choose you. First year, it was "Everday People" by Arrested Development, and I was pretty down with my marks. In second year, "Golddigger" by Kanye West got me through. That transcript was about as pretty as I was with glasses, braces, and puberty. But the theme song for this year, third year, the last year, definitely takes the cake. Hit it ladieeeez! (And I'm talking to you, Taeghan + Wo).
posted by Sharon at 6:02 p.m.
2 Comments:
"Faking the magic"...
so that's what it's called.
oiiii! big hugs girly girl!
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